Friday, January 20, 2017

Echoes From The Past: La'bos, The 650Kg Senator And The Poisoned Drink...(conclusion)


I had been waiting for 30minutes, when my Mum called…mmm, Mothers…
By 6pm, the huge bed was winking at me from behind, luring me to lay. I was yawning madly like a cat.

 Just then, the Senator came in and the process was repeated all over…(teeth baring and all that)
He sat down heavily beside me.
“So how are you?” He inquired
“Fine sir. Thank you.” I replied like a school girl.
“So what type of job would you like?”

Ha, I so hate this question…I really don’t want any kind of job apart from singing and writing and cooking!
“Any type of job sir… I really don’t mind the nature…” I said
“Hmmm…let’s see your CV”

I fumbled with my all purpose bag and my tooth brush flew out, I looked to see if he noticed, he did. So I bared my teeth in apology. After struggling with every item in my bag, I was able to provide my newly printed and updated Cv, copies of my 6-3-3-4… he called for his glasses and aptly perused my papers, he kept nodding.

“And to think you are still struggling to get a job with these results, even your O level should get you a good job” He stated not looking at me and I glowed! Infact I beamed, I swelled and for the first time since leaving the bank, I smiled from my heart to my eyes…

“You are good and it seems you have a flare for language…” He noticed and I nodded.
“Well, this will be easy, very easy.” he said and In no time, I was choosing between three jobs.

“Sir, I’d prefer the ministry of Information” I said beaming, (I have kuku heard that laziness is allowed in ministries)

The conclusion was He would take my papers to the ministry of Information the next day and all would be well.

“By January, You should start work.”
I kept folding and unfolding my hands, swinging my head back and forth and smiling genuine smiles.

“Just a minute…” He left the room and I relaxed, sharply sent a text to my mum!  "God has done it"

He returned with a plate of spiced cat fish. Yeh! I want! I want! My mind screamed.
“Have this…” He passed the plate to me and I shook my head…

“no sir, I don’t eat cat fish, thanks a lot sir” I lied and bit my tongue.
“en, en, oga o…so what do I offer you?” he dropped to the bed again and dropped the tantalizing plate of fish on the fridge. I willed my eyes to look away but my eyes can be disobedient sha... 😂

"so now that your employment is settled, let's discuss other things..." he said and touched my back! I stiffed.

"Tell me what you want me to do for you...anything." I could not even bare my teeth anymore, I was so angry and simultaneously, I was very sad.
"I want us to date each other" He said and I stiffened and my left leg began to shake. I controlled what I knew was was the begining of a ferocious anger.

"I am a man of repute and integrity, a man of timber and caliber, a man of cocoa and cassava, a man of semo and ogbono... " I was not listening. "and you stand to gain a lot if you date me." I was not listening to this music from hell from the depths of a stained soul. I was rather thinking of trekking back home barefooted for my heels were a no-no...

"What do you say?" he asked and gathered me to himself.
"Egba mi o" My heart screamed.
"em, can I think about it and return tomorrow sir?" I almost laughed, even as a secondary school baby, I never said those words...
"Ha, what do you want to think about?...You know me well in this state as a person of repute...." I was nodding my head in mock agreement as he listed his virtues again, at last, he agreed I could sleep over it and return the next day.

 Okay, but you have to eat your fish."
"I don't like cat fish sir."
"What then do you want? Chin chin? I have chin chin" he said and I nodded in agreement.
he rose and picked the plate of fish...

There goes my appointment at the ministry of whatever except I returned tomorrow...the enormity of this misnomer and absurdity shook me so much.

An attendant brought a tray in with a plate of chin chin and a cup of served drink. I took the tray and placed beside me on the bed. As soon as he stepped out, I lifted the cup to see what drink I had in the cup, certainly not juice or wine.

Just as I dropped it, the Senator came in with a container of five alive berry blast juice...apparently not what I,  La'bos was served! What I had in that cup seemed more like something from YEMKEM or Oko  Oloyun than Coca cola. OK!

He complained that my cup was not full so he added the juice to the concentrated content....he left me to savour my delicacy. Quickly, I picked the cup of what ever, just to be sure, I tasted with my tongue...God forbid! I spat on the rug...luckily for me I always carry a bottle of water: I opened my bag, got my bottle and gulped the content...then poured the jinxed drink into the bottle. I lifted the plate of chin chin and emptied straight into my bag without care for the contents of the bag.

Few minutes later,  Baba senator came back in,  my cup was empty, my plate had exactly four pieces of chin chin,  I looked up and said "Thank you sir" he looked from me to the tray and to me again.

"You are through? " he asked
"Yes"
" Wow" he said and I stood up, told him I needed to leave.
He sighed and pulled me to his 650KG...no wahala.

I left.
I cried.
I trekked for two hours.
And I thanked God.

La'bos

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